We put them into containers

This American guy is sitting at a diner minding his own business eating breakfast. A French guy chewing gum sits down next to him & says
“What are you eating there? American bread? In France we eat only the soft centers out of our fresh bread & send the crusts to America.”
The American Guy ignores him.
“What have you got on that bread? Jam? In France we eat only the freshest fruit & put the seeds & pits into containers & send it to America to make your jam.”
“Well let me ask you one question. Do you have sex over there in France?”
“Oh Oiu, Oiu, you know we do.”
“What do you do with the used condoms?”
“Oh flush them down the toilet of course.”
“Well here in America we put them into containers & sell them to France as bubble gum.”

Suicide

Jimmy is lying across the railway tracks with a bottle of Whiskey and pizza within reach.

A passerby asks “Jimmy, why are you lying on the rail lines! Are train may come any moment and run over you.
“Precisely”- answered Jimmy. “I have no desire to live anymore. I just want to kill myself.

“Then why do you have this liquor bottle and pizza beside you?”-asked the passerby.

“Why not?” demands Jimmy. “You can’t rely on trains running on time anymore and I don’t want to die of hunger and thirst.”

Why he acted in such a manner?

A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus. She noticed a young man smiling at her and began to
feel humiliated on account of her condition. She changed her seat, and he seemed more amused.

She moved again, and then on her fourth move, he burst out laughing. She had him arrested.

When the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in such a manner. His reply was:

When the lady boarded the bus, I couldn’t help noticing she was pregnant. She sat under an advertisement that
read, “Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins.” Then she moved under a sign that read, “Sloan’s Liniments remove
swelling.”

I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement that read, “William’s Stick Did the Trick.”

Then I could not control myself any longer when, on the fourth move, she sat under an advertisement that read,
“Dunlop Rubber Would Have Prevented This Accident.”

The case was dismissed.

I was keeping it warm!

A married couple go to a restaurant. A blonde waitress takes their order and returns several minutes later, carrying a plate with only a plain hamburger bun on it.

The man asks, “Where’s the burger?”

The waitress lifts her arm and pulls out a burger from her armpit. “I was keeping it warm,” she replies.

The wife says, “Please cancel my hot dog order.”

The end of his first day at work

The lawyer’s son wanted to follow in his father’s
footsteps, so he went to law school. He graduated with
honors, and then went home to join his father’s firm. At
the end of his first day at work he rushed into his
father’s office, and said, “Father, father, in one day I
broke the accident case that you’ve been working on for
ten years!”

His father responded: “You idiot, we could live on the
funding of that case for another ten years!”

Think of Lord Krishna

In Mumbai, a man is going to jump off the building. Up rushes good Hindu cop to talk him down.
Cop yells up to the man
“Don’t jump! Think of your father”
Man replies “Haven’t got a father; I’m going to jump.”
The cop goes through a list of relatives, mother, brothers, sister, etc.
Each time man says “haven’t got one; going to jump.”
Desperate the cop yells up “Don’t jump! Think of Lord Krishna”
Man replies “Who is that?” Cop yells
“Jump, Muslim! You’re blocking traffic!”

Want to end our relationship!

Girlfriend: I want to end our relationship, I am going to return you everything you gave me..
Boyfriend: What a joke? Okay then, let’s start with Kisses..!!!”.

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