An Italian girl!

A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport.

“Thank you, honey”, she says.

“What would you like me to bring back for you?”

He laughs and says, “An Italian girl!”

When the conference is over, he meets her at the airport and asks, “So, honey, how was the trip?”

“Very good,” she replies.

“And what happened to my present?”

“Which present?” she asks.

“The one I asked for- an Italian girl!”

“Oh, that,” she says. “Well, I did what I could. Now we have to wait nine months to see if it’s a girl.”

Have you ever seen an owl?

An Angry Boss-“Have you ever seen an owl ?”

Employee (Looking down)- “No Sir!!”

Boss- “Why looking downside?”

“Look at me..!”

Swearing problem of Johnny

Johnny had a swearing problem and his father was getting tired of it. He decided to ask his shrink what to do. The shrink said that since Christmas was coming up that he should ask Johnny what he wanted Santa to bring him. If he swore he should leave a pile of dog shit in place of the gift.

Two days before Christmas Johnny’s dad asked Johnny what he wanted. Johnny said,”I want a god-damned teddy-bear laying right fuckin’ here beside me when I wake-up on Christmas morning. Then when I go downstairs I want to see a mother fuckin’ train going around the goddamned tree, and when I go outside I want to see a red-ass fuckin bike leaning up against the damn garage!”

Christmas morning, Little Johnny woke up and rolled over into a big pile of dog shit. Confused, he walked downstairs and saw a bunch of dog shit around the Christmas tree. Scratching his head, he walked outside and saw a huge pile of dog shit by the garage. When he walked back inside with a curious look on his face, his dad smiled and asked, ” So Johnny, what did Santa bring you this year?” Johnny replied, “I think I got a fuckin dog but I can’t find the little cunt.”

Cat has given birth to 10 kittens!

A little boy calls his friend and says:
“Help, my cat has given birth to 10 kittens! I do not know where to leave them …. because I do not have enough space at home!”
Then the friend replies: “You can leave them in front of some bar or restaurant, there they can find food!”.
The boy takes his friend’s advice but calls him later with the news:
“It didn’t work, the kittens came right back home!”
So his friend says: “That’s fine, so leave them in front of the closed shops, where there are no lights and they will not be able to find their way home”.
The boy does as he said but then calls him:
“It didn’t work, the cats have returned home as if they had GPS!” And the friend replied annoyed.
“at this point go farther than you’ve ever gone before, turn left, turn right, confuse the hell out of those little buggers.” .
After about 2 days, the friend calls the boy: “So you got rid of the kittens?”
and he replies: “Well let me tell you, I walked for about a day, got lost and I just came back…. if I did not follow the cats I would not have even made it home!”.

I want to see your face again mommy

A Chinese boy never met his parents after they were killed in WW2, so when he learned where they were buried he quickly rushed there.

He sat down in front of their graves and prayed “I want to see your face again mommy…”. A miracle happened, his mother rose up from the graves and hugged him.

The boy cried then said “I want to see you too dad”. He looked at his father’s grave but nothing happened

Suddenly a Japanese soldier came up behind him and asked “were you looking for me?”

What the guy said to piss him off?

A hippie sits down at a bar and tries to order a beer on a tab, but the bartender wants money up front which the hippie doesn’t have. So the guy next to him offers to buy him a beer. They start talking and drinking and drinking and talking. After a while the guy says to the hippie, “come with me to the bathroom and I’ll give you a blow job”.

Suddenly the hippie jumps off his stool, pushes the guy down, and starts kicking the guy repeatedly.

A couple of patrons pull the hippie back. They ask him what the guy said to piss him off so much.

“Something about a job. “

What happened son?

Johnny was beaten up by his mom !!

Dad came and asked ‘What happened son ?

John reply: ” I just can’t adjust with your wife.I want my own.!!

Powered by WordPress and Bootstrap4