I love you!

Raju: I love you!

Girl: hurrrrr..

Raju: I’ll even die for you.

Girl: hurrrrr…

Raju: I can’t live without you.

Girl: hurrrrr…

Raju : I even bought a diamond ring for you.

Girl: Really?

Raju: hurrrrrr…

They would not let you fart!

A family brings their elderly mother to a nursing home. While sitting in her new room, she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately straighten her up. After a while, she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back to put her upright. This goes on all morning.

Later, the family arrives and asks, “Are they treating you all right?” She replies, “It’s pretty nice — except they won’t let you fart.”

I took off all my clothes except my..

The Sheriff and Billy-Bob

One day the sheriff sees Billy-Bob walking around town with nothing on except his gun belt and his boots.

The sheriff says “Billy-Bob, what the hell are you doing walking around town dressed like that?”

Billy-Bob replies “Well sheriff, it’s a long story!”

Sheriff says he isn’t in a hurry and that Billy-Bob should tell the story.

Billy-Bob continues “Well sheriff, me and Mary-Lou was down on the farm and we started a cuddling. Mary-Lou said we should go in the barn and we did.”

“Inside the barn we started a kissing and a cuddling and things got pretty hot and heavy, well Mary-Lou said that we should go up on the hill so we did.”

“Up on the hill we started a kissing and a cuddling and the Mary-Lou took off all her clothes and said that I should do the same. Well, I took off all my clothes except my gun belt and my boots.

Then Mary-Lou lay on the ground and opened her legs and said “Okay Billy-Bob, go to town…”

How about the ones like mine?

Wife : “I dream t they were auctioning off dicks. The big ones went for ten dollars and the thick ones went for twenty dollars.
“Husband : “How about the ones like mine?
“Wife : “Those they gave away.
“Husband : “I had a dream too…I dream t they were auctioning off cunts. The pretty ones went for a thousand dollars, and the little tight ones went for two thousand.
“Wife : “And how much for the ones like mine?
“Husband : “That’s where they held the auction.”

Making cake

Little Johnny is walking around and peaks in his parents room, catching them having sex so he asks,
“What are you guys doing?” and they reply
“Nothing, nothing! we’re just uh, making cake”
and they send him away. So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brothers room so he walks in and catches his brother and his brothers girlfriend having sex and then asks him
“What are you guys doing?”
and his brother yells “Get out! were making cake!”
So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says
“So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!”
and she replies “OMG! Howd you know!?!?” and Johnny replies
“Because, I licked the icing off the couch” .

Can I have a tooth pick?

Guest: “Excuse me, can I have a tooth pick?”
Waiter: “Unfortunately they are all occupied right now. Can you wait a minute?”

Thank you for allowing me to come to Germany

An African migrant is strolling down a sidewalk in Nuremberg.

He comes up to the first man he sees and says “Thank you, for allowing me to come to Germany. Thank you for giving me health care, and a place to live, and food to eat.”

The man looks at him and says “I’m not German, I’m Albanian.”

The African says “Oh, excuse me” and continues walking.

He walks up to a second man and says “Thank you for allowing me to come to Germany as a refugee. It is a truly beautiful country.”

The second man looks at him and says “I’m not German, I’m Turkish.”

The African goes “Oh, excuse me” and continues walking.

As he’s walking he comes up to a third man. He says “Thank you for allowing me to come to Germany, thank you for everything you’ve done for me.”

The man looks at him and says “I’m not German, I’m Arab.”

Confused, the African asks “Where are all the Germans?”

The Arab looks down at his watch.

“Probably working.”

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