Archive for the ‘Work’ Category

Do you want a massage?

“Where’s the barber who worked on the next chair?” asked the old customer as he was getting a shave.

Hadn’t you heard about Bill? said the barber. It was a very sad case.

He grew nervous and despondent over poor business, and one day when a customer said he didn’t care for a massage he suddenly went out of his mind and slashed the customer’s throat. He is in the asylum for the criminal insane now. Will you be having a massage, sir?

Sure, go ahead! said the customer.

His boss was in line for the brick to land

A bunch of guy’s were working on a 50 story construction site, a guy working at the top accidently knocked a brick off the 50th story. When looking down he saw that his boss was in line for the brick to land on his noggin and briskly yelled, “Falling Brick”. The boss looked up after hearing the yell and moved to one side as the brick crashed to the ground.

The boss looked up at the worker and yelled, “A $100 bonus for you lady.”

Another guy working a floor below had observed what went down with the brick and decided he’d have a go for a $100 bonus, the problem was he was a bit of a stutterer, as he kicked the brick off the side of the building he looked down and yelled with a loud voice, f fu fu fu fffffffffffff “FUCK HE’S DEAD”

Never believe such dreams!

Miss Anderson hired a couple of painters and one morning she
tells one of them:
– “Beware that you don’t fall down, because I had a dream
about that last night.”
– “Madam, you should never believe such dreams. The last
three nights I’ve had the dream that you are going to offer
me a cup of coffee.”

How long before I can get a haircut?

A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks “Hey, Buddy! how long before I can get a haircut?”

The barber look around the shop and says “about 2 hours,” and the guy leaves.

A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks…”how long before I can get a haircut?”

Again, the barber looks around at shop full of customers and says “about 2 hours.” The guy leaves.

A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks “how long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looks around the shop and says “about an hour and a half”. The guy leaves.

The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says “Hey, Joey, I’ll give you a free cut if you follow that guy and see where he goes.”

In a little while, Joey comes back into the shop laughing hysterically. The barber says, “this must be good, where did he go when he left here?”

Joey says, “To your house!”

Work first then fun

Oh, I didn’t expect you at work today Mr. Grundy, isn’t it your mother-in-law’s funeral today?”

“Well you know how it is.Work first, then fun.”

It was not in their contract

Don’t Mess with a New York Woman

Two brawny men came to a Annie Jorge’s house in Brooklyn to install some new floor covering in the kitchen. Once they had moved the stove and refrigerator out of the way, it was not long before the job was done.

As they were getting ready to leave, Annie asked them to put the heavy appliances back in place.

The two men demanded $45 for this service, stating it was not in their contract.

Annie really had no choice but to pay them. As soon as they left, however, the doorbell rang. It was the two men. They asked Annie to move her car, which was blocking their van.

She told them her fee: $45.

When we needed service again!

When our air conditioner broke down, we called for a serviceman to come and take a look at it. It turned out to be a high school classmate of my husband’s named Love. He said next time we needed any repairs to ask for him. The next year when we needed service again, we requested Mr. Love. I took the day off from work and waited for him to arrive.

After he had worked on our air conditioner, he left his work order behind. It had my name and said: “Wants Love in afternoon.”

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