Archive for the ‘Travel & Car’ Category

An Italian girl!

A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport.

“Thank you, honey”, she says.

“What would you like me to bring back for you?”

He laughs and says, “An Italian girl!”

When the conference is over, he meets her at the airport and asks, “So, honey, how was the trip?”

“Very good,” she replies.

“And what happened to my present?”

“Which present?” she asks.

“The one I asked for- an Italian girl!”

“Oh, that,” she says. “Well, I did what I could. Now we have to wait nine months to see if it’s a girl.”

What did you do to get him so fired up?

An attractive lady from Seattle was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. A local on horseback came along and offered her a ride to the nearest town.

She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was pretty uneventful except that every few minutes the guy would let out a “Whoop” so loud that it would echo from the surrounding hills. When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final “Yahoo” and rode off.

“Hey, what did you do to get him so fired up?” asked the service station attendant.

“Nothing,” shrugged the woman, I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto his saddle horn so I wouldn’t fall off.

“Lady,” the attendant said, “that guy was riding bareback

Strait on your right

A guy was going to Texas and when he went on the train he said, “Ooh my god Texas chairs are really big.”
He went to a bar he asked for a bear and when the bar tender gave him the mug of bear the guy said, “Wow Texas mugs are really big.”
Later he asked the bar tender were is the bathroom and the bar tender said, “Strait on your right.”
But the guy went on his left and when he entered the room he slipped and feel in the swimming pool and said, “Don’t flush! don’t flush!!!”

Why he acted in such a manner?

A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus. She noticed a young man smiling at her and began to
feel humiliated on account of her condition. She changed her seat, and he seemed more amused.

She moved again, and then on her fourth move, he burst out laughing. She had him arrested.

When the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in such a manner. His reply was:

When the lady boarded the bus, I couldn’t help noticing she was pregnant. She sat under an advertisement that
read, “Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins.” Then she moved under a sign that read, “Sloan’s Liniments remove
swelling.”

I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement that read, “William’s Stick Did the Trick.”

Then I could not control myself any longer when, on the fourth move, she sat under an advertisement that read,
“Dunlop Rubber Would Have Prevented This Accident.”

The case was dismissed.

Something in common with Mercedes Benz?

In the business class of a Boeing 747, a beautiful stewardess serves champagne to a young fellow.

– I am very thankful. If it’s not a secret, what is your name, miss?

– Sir, it is Mercedes. – she replied girlishly.

– Do you have something in common with Mercedes Benz?

– The price.

Gotten a flat tire

A man got a flat tire and called a friend.
“Hey, I’ve gotten a flat tire, can you help me?”
“How did that happen?”
“I ran over a bottle of vodka.”
“That sounds quite stupid, how did you not see it?”
“That damn Russian obviously had it in his pocket!”

My nephew, a flight attendant

My nephew, a flight attendant, split the back of his pants one day during a flight. To save embarrassment, he decided to work in front of the beverage cart, facing forward.

The arrangement worked perfectly until he got to the last row and a passenger leaned over to him and said in a low voice, “Your fly is open.”

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