Archive for the ‘Sports & Athletes’ Category

Overseas business guests on the golf

An American businessman is entertaining some overseas business guests on the golf course.

The first guest, who is from Italy, tees off and hits a good shot 200 yards down the fairway. As the American businessman knows a small amount of Italian he says: “Buon tiro”, which means “Good shot”. The Italian businessman replies: “Grazie”.

The second guest, who is from France, tees off and hits a fantastic shot that lands on the green thirty feet from the hole. As the American businessman knows a small amount of French he says: “Tir fantastique”, which means “Fantastic shot”. The French businessman replies: “Merci”.

The third guest, who is from Japan, tees off and amazingly the ball goes straight in the hole, a hole in one! The American businessman doesn’t know many Japanese words or phrases but when he dated a Japanese girl during his overseas business trips she used to moan when he made love to her and she would shout out “Ura-ana, ura-ana”, and which he repeats to his Japanese guest. The Japanese businessman replies: “What do you mean, wrong hole?”

What is he – deaf or something?

A jockey is about to enter a race on a new horse. The horse’s trainer meets him before the race and says, “All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, ‘ALLLLEEE OOOP!’ really loudly in the horse’s ear. Providing you do that, you’ll be fine.”

The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command. The race begins and they approach the first hurdle. The jockey ignores the trainer’s ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

They carry on and approach the second hurdle. The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers “Aleeee ooop” in the horse’s ear. The same thing happens – the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, “It’s no good, I’ll have to do it,” and yells, “ALLLEEE OOOP!” really loudly. Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems. This continues for the rest of the race, but due to the earlier problems the horse only finishes third.

The trainer is fuming and asks the jockey what went wrong. The jockey replies, “Nothing is wrong with me – it’s this bloody horse. What is he – deaf or something?”

The trainer replies, “Deaf? Deaf?! He’s not deaf. He’s blind!”

A shot of Olympics

In Rio Olympics there was a shooting competition. The competition was about to start and the rules were

putting a apple on top of a boy and shooting it.

A british man shot the apple blindfolded and said ” I am Harry.”
An American man shot the apple by looking other way and said ” I am Larry.”
A man from England so furious of Brazil shot the boy below the apple and said
” I am sorry.”

Soft sponge ball

My cousins, visiting me during their summer vacation,
decided to play cricket in my living room. I was not too
happy with the idea, but they assured me that their soft
sponge ball won’t damage anything.

Still worried about my new 42-inch LED television set, I
asked, “What if the ball hits the TV?”

“In that case”, one of them replied, “it’s an out!”.

Respect for the dead

As a funeral train passes by a golf course, a golfer on
one of the greens stops, stands at attention with hat
held over his heart as the hearse goes by. Then he
goes back to lining up his putt.

His playing partner remarks how that was the nicest
gesture he’d ever seen, to show such respect for
the dead.

The first golfer sinks his putt and says, “Well, she was
a good wife for sixteen years.”

Poacher

Stranger: ‘Catch any fish?’
Fisherman: ‘Did I! I took 30 out of this stream this
morning!’
Stranger: ‘Do you know who I am? I’m the game warden!’
Fisherman: ‘Do you know who I am? I’m the biggest liar in
the county!’

outdoors man

During his physical, the doctor asked the patient about his daily activity level

He described a typical day this way: ‘Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded along the edge of a lake, drank eight beers, escaped from wild dogs in the heavy brush, jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake, marched up and down several rocky hills, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand and took four leaks behind big trees.’ Inspired by the story, the doctor said, ‘You must be one hell of an outdoors man!’ ‘NAH,’ he replied, ‘I’m just a shitty golfer.’

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