Archive for the ‘Police & Military’ Category

You can not even walk!

A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt.

The cop says, “Holy shit, you’re so drunk, you can’t even walk!”

The drunk says, “No shit, that’s why I took my car!”

Think of Lord Krishna

In Mumbai, a man is going to jump off the building. Up rushes good Hindu cop to talk him down.
Cop yells up to the man
“Don’t jump! Think of your father”
Man replies “Haven’t got a father; I’m going to jump.”
The cop goes through a list of relatives, mother, brothers, sister, etc.
Each time man says “haven’t got one; going to jump.”
Desperate the cop yells up “Don’t jump! Think of Lord Krishna”
Man replies “Who is that?” Cop yells
“Jump, Muslim! You’re blocking traffic!”

There was a cop writing out a parking ticket

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.
Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said, “Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?”
He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started Writing another ticket for having worn tires. So my wife called him a ****-head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I can not imagine, about the time when the car owner will see a bundle of tickets.
Personally, we didn’t care. We took the bus to return our town.

Never going to stand in line again!

“Well,” snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman. “I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you’ll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave.”

“Not me, Chief!” the Seaman replied. “Once I get out of the Navy, I’m never going to stand in line again!”

Where is your house?

Police: Where do u live
Me: With my parents
Police: Where your parents live
Me: With me
Police: Where do you all live
Me: Together
Police: where is your house
Me: Next to my neighbor
Police: Where is your neighbor’s house
Me: If I tell you, you won’t believe me
Police: Tell me
Me: Next to my house

Something seriously impressive

During the Gulf War, a soldier has just arrived in Iraq

Two days after being deployed, he gets asked by his best mate back at home to the mate’s best man at his wedding. The soldier quickly agrees, and go to ask his commanding officer for leave.

“Leave? After only two days? You must be mad, to even consider asking me for it. You won’t get leave unless you do something seriously impressive during the day”

The soldier thanks the officer for his time, and leaves. Later, in the afternoon, he drives an Iraqi tank into the base.

“How on earth did you manage to capture an Iraqi tank, all by yourself?” asks the officer, clearly shocked

“Every great magician must keep their secrets” answers the soldier.

“Well then, you’ll have your leave” says the officer, and leaves it at that. On the way to the barracks, the other soldiers asks him how he managed it. The soldier concedes, and tell them.

“I took one of our tanks out into the desert and drove until I found an Iraqi tank. I climbed out of the hatch, and asked the other guy if he wanted leave. He answered yes, so we switched tanks!”

The car has an anti-theft device

Police Officer : You cannot park in front of the Congress because of security measures.

Citizen : it is just five minutes, Sir.

PO: But the members of the Congress are just about to leave !

Citizen: Don’t worry officer, the car has an anti-theft device!

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