Archive for the ‘Family’ Category

The most suitable suitor!

Father in law: young man you are here to seek my daughter’s hand in
marriage and you are chewing gum? that is lack of respect.
Man: sir I only chew when am drunk or smoked.
Father in law: you mean you drink and smoke?
Man: sir,i only drink and smoke when I go to club.
Father in law: you club too?
Man: i am sorry sir,i started clubbing when i came out of prison.
Father in law: you have been in a prison before?oh my God!
Man: i went to jail when i killed someone.
Father in law: what!!! You are a murderer?
Man: it happened out of anger.it was a certain old man who didn’t allow me
to marry his daughter,so i killed him.
Father in law: you are highly welcome my son.you are in the right track for
my daughter…..

Why people say that..

A girl was crying bitterly.

Mom: What happened dear?

Daughter: Mom do I look like a wicked witch?

Mom: No!

Daughter: Are my eyes big as toad?

Mom: No!

Daughter: Is my nose flat?

Mom: No baby!

Daughter: Am I fat like a bulldog?

Mom: You have a fine physique, you are a barbie doll!

Daughter: Then why people tell me that you look like your mom?

Why is daddy running away?

Little Johnny was reading a book in lounge, while he saw the daddy running outside… he lauded,

“Mommy, Mommy! Why is daddy running away?”

“Shut up, and help me reload the shotgun!”

So you are gay then!

“What does the word ‘gay’ mean?” asked a son his father.

“It means ‘happy’,” replied the father.

“Oh,” contested the son, “so you are gay then?”

“No, son, I have a wife.”

Try and get pregnant again!

My husband and I had been trying to have a third child for a while. Unfortunately, the day I was to take a home pregnancy test, he was called out of town on business. I had told our young daughters about the test, and they were excited. We decided if it was positive, we would buy a baby outfit to surprise their father when he got home. The three of us stood in the bathroom eagerly waiting for the tell tale line to appear.

When it did not, my thoughtful seven-year-old gave me a hug. “It’s okay, Mom,” she said. “The next time Daddy goes out of town, you can try and get pregnant again.”

The child home from kindergarten

Husband brings the child home from kindergarten and asks his wife, “He’s been crying the whole way home. Isn’t he sick or something?”

“No,” replies the wife, “he was just trying to tell you he isn’t our Frankie.”

Leave me alone, I am married!

Jack wakes up with a horrible hangover and a throbbing black eye. The first thing he sees is a single rose on the side table and a note from his wife: “Dear, breakfast is made. I’ve gone shopping to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you!”

He stumbles to the kitchen and, sure enough, there’s breakfast. “Joe,” he says to his son, “what happened last night?”

“You came home soused and got that black eye tripping over a chair.”

“So, why the rose, breakfast, and sweet note from your mother?”

“Oh, that. Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take off your clothes, you screamed, ‘Leave me alone, I’m married!’”

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