Archive for the ‘Business-Sales’ Category

A bet who will sell the most

Englishman, Scottish man and Irishman selling bibles door to door, they have a bet who will sell the most in a day.
They meet up at end of day and Englishman has sold 2, Scottish man had sold 3, but the Irishman who had a terrible stutter says hhhee hhhee hhhad sssold ssssixty.

The other two asked how did he do it.
He said, “Wwwhen Iiiii nnnnnnknock aaaat thththe ddddooor I said: Do you wwwwwant tto bbbuy a bbbbbible ooooorrr shshshould Iiii jjjust rrrread it tttto yyyyou?”

What are you selling?

Two young businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store in the shopping mall. As yet, the store wasn’t ready, with only a few shelves and display racks set up. One said to the other, “I’ll bet that any minute now some senior is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we’re selling.” Sure enough, just a moment later, a curious senior gentleman walked up to the window, looked around intensely and rapped on the glass, then in a loud voice asked,
“What are you selling’ here?”
One of the men replied sarcastically,
“We’re selling ass-holes.” Without skipping a beat, the old timer said,
“You’re doing well, only two left.”

Sir, this is not the FBI

Working as a telemarketer for MCI Communications, I made a call to a Minnesota home one evening. When a boy around eight answered the phone, I identified myself, told him I was calling for MCI and asked to speak to his parents.

As he put the phone down, I heard him yell, “Dad! Dad! The FBI wants to talk to you!”

As soon as the father answered the phone in a quivering voice, I said, “Sir, this is not the FBI; this is MCI Communications.”

After a long pause, the man said, “This is the first time I am actually glad to hear from you guys.”

We can not ship your new order

A merchant sent an order to a distributor for a large
amount of goods totaling a great deal of money.

The distributor, noting that the previous bill hadn’t been
paid, told the collections manager to check it. The
collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, “We
can’t ship your new order until you pay for the last one.”

The next day the collections manager received a collect
phone call, “Please cancel the order. We can’t wait that
long.”

The cigarette is not for me

An eight year old kid goes to a shop. He tells the store
owner –
” I would like to buy a cigarette.”
The store owner gets very angry and says –
“Aren’t you ashamed about smoking at such a young age?”

Kid -“The cigarette is not for me. It is for my younger
brother. I want two condoms for myself”.

Interest in his paintings

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any
interest in his paintings on display at that time.

“I have good news and bad news,” the owner replied. “The
good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work
and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your
death.
When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your
paintings.”

“That’s wonderful,” the artist exclaimed. “What’s the bad
news?”
“The guy was your doctor…”

I will have both of them

woman walks into the butcher shop just before closing.
She says, “Thank Heavens I’ve made it in time! Have you
any turkey?” The butcher opens his fridge and takes out
his only turkey, and plops it onto the scale. It weighs 4
1/2 pounds.

“Ah, haven’t you anything bigger?” the woman inquires.
The butcher returns the turkey to the fridge, takes it out
again, and plops it onto the scale, only this time, he
keeps his thumb on the turkey. The scale shows 7 1/4
pounds.

“Marvelous!” says the woman. “I’ll have both of them
please.”

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