Archive for the ‘Blonde’ Category

Rectal thermometer in her pocket

There was a blonde nurse on duty in a ward. She was looking in her pocket…
and pulls out a rectal thermometer from her front pocket

“Damn! Some asshole has my pen!”

The dog is still barking

A blonde and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor’s dog. It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours.

The blonde jumps up out of bed and says,
“I’ve had enough of this”.
She goes downstairs. She finally comes back up to bed and her husband says,
“The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?”
The blonde says,
“I put the dog in our backyard … let’s see how THEY like it!

What is your birthday?

The blonde who went to the doctor…
The doctor: What is your birthday?
The blonde: 5th of July.
The doctor: Which year?
The blonde: Every year!

Can you top that?

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two young people show up. One is a good looking guy in his mid- twenties and the other is a gorgeous blonde about the same age.

The circus owner tells them, “I’m not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you both better be good or you’re history. Here’s your equipment – a chair, a whip, and a gun. Who wants to try out first?”

The girl says, “I’ll go first.” She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion’s cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her, so she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.

The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her ankles. He continues to lick her calves, kisses them, and then rests his head at her feet.

The circus owner’s mouth is on the floor. He remarks, “I’ve never seen a display like that in my life.” He then turns to the young man and asks, “Can you top that?”

“No problem,” replies the young man, “just get that lion out of the way.”

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two young people show up. One is a good looking guy in his mid- twenties and the other is a gorgeous blonde about the same age.

The circus owner tells them, “I’m not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you both better be good or you’re history. Here’s your equipment – a chair, a whip, and a gun. Who wants to try out first?”

The girl says, “I’ll go first.” She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion’s cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her, so she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.

The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her ankles. He continues to lick her calves, kisses them, and then rests his head at her feet.

The circus owner’s mouth is on the floor. He remarks, “I’ve never seen a display like that in my life.” He then turns to the young man and asks, “Can you top that?”

“No problem,” replies the young man, “just get that lion out of the way.”

A blonde was going to travel

The speed of light
A blonde was going to travel to Los Angeles, so she called customer service and asked:
– How long does it take to drive from Houston to Los Angeles?
– One moment, replied the operator.
– Thank you, said the blonde and hung up.

What did she roll?

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice.

She said, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m completely nude.”

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, “Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!” As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed… “YES! YES! I WON, I WON!” She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly
departed…

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, “What did she roll?” The other answered, “I don’t know – I thought you were watching.”

If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm

A blonde driving a car became lost in a snowstorm.
She didn’t panic however, because she remembered what her dad had once told her. “If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it.”
Sure enough, pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes.
Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. And she explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in a snow storm, to follow a plow.
The driver nodded and said, “Well, I’m done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, do you want to follow me over to K-Mart now?”

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